


Mystery Spot (3.11)

by ackles_ass_equation



Series: Superghetto [56]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Archangel Gabriel (Supernatural), Canon Compliant, Canon Related, Dean Dies Repeatedly, Episode: s03e11 Mystery Spot, Gabriel Being Gabriel, Hurt Sam Winchester, Screenplay/Script Format, Trickster Gabriel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-16
Updated: 2016-08-16
Packaged: 2018-08-09 05:04:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7787752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ackles_ass_equation/pseuds/ackles_ass_equation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean is capped afta lookin tha fuck into a cold-ass lil case bout tha disappearizzle of a playa wit Sam. Da next morning, Sam is shocked ta find Dean kickin it n' is hit wit tha realization dat he is relivin tha dizzle before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. NOW

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

RADIO comes on, playin "Heat of tha Moment" by Asia.

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes snap open.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY  
SAM sits up in bed.

**RADIO  
** _Tellin you what tha fuck yo' ass is_

**DEAN  
** Rise n' shine, Sammy!

DEAN is chillin on tha other bed, tyin his shoes yo. Dude is bright-eyed n' bushy-tailed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka!

 **SAM  
** Dude fo' realz. Asia?

 **DEAN  
** Come on. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Yo ass ludd dis cold lil' woo wop n' you know dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, n' if I eva hear it again n' again n' again I'ma bust a cap up in mah dirty ass.

DEAN turns up tha volume.

 **DEAN  
** What, biatch? Sorry, couldn't hear you, biatch. (SAM laughs)

**RADIO  
** _Dat shiznit was tha heat of tha moment_

DEAN starts boppin along. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM shakes his head up in amusement.

 **RADIO**  
_Heat of tha moment_  
_Heat of tha moment_  
_Showed up in yo' eyes_

 

INT. BATHROOM

DEAN garglez loudly n' long. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM tries ta ignore his ass long enough ta brush his cold-ass teeth. DEAN grins.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM

 **SAM  
** Whenever you ready, Dean.

DEAN pulls up a funky-ass black bra.

 **DEAN  
** This yours?

SAM glares. DEAN laughs, rummages up in tha bag some more, n' pulls up a gun.

 **DEAN  
** Bingo.

DEAN goes past SAM ta tha door.

 **DEAN  
** Now whoz locked n loaded fo' some breakfast?

 

INT. DINER - DAY

Da door chimes as SAM n' DEAN enter n' shit. CASHIER gives MR. PICKETT some chizzle.

 **CASHIER  
** Drive safely now, Mista Muthafuckin Pickett.

  1. **PICKETT  
** Yeah, yeah.



**COOK up in background  
** Order up.

SAM n' DEAN find a funky-ass booth.

 **WAITRESS  
** Can't stay unless you order something, Cal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Yo ass know tha rules.

CAL passes her some chizzle.

 **CAL  
** Some coffee.

DEAN notices a posta on tha wall.

 **DEAN  
** Hey. Tuesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Pig up in a poke.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass even know what tha fuck dat is?

 **WAITRESS, whose nametag say DORIS  
** Yo ass thugs ready?

 **DEAN  
** Yes yes y'all. I be bout ta have tha special, side of bacon n' a cold-ass lil coffee.

 **SAM  
** Make it two coffees n' a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass short stack.

 **DORIS  
** Yo ass gots dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** I be spittin some lyrics ta you, Sam, dis thang is lil' small-ass fry. We should be bustin our time hustlin down Bela.

 **SAM  
** Okay, sure, letz git right on dis shit. Where is she again?

 **DEAN  
** Shut up.

 **SAM  
** Look. Believe me, I wanna find her as shitty as you do. In tha meantime, our crazy asses have this.

SAM pulls up some papers.

 **DEAN  
** All right, so dis pimp.

Da headline on tha newspaper clippin readz "MISSING - DEXTER HASSELBACK LAST SEEN IN BROWARD, FLORIDA".

 **SAM  
** Dexta Hasselback was passin all up in hood last week when he vanished.

 **DEAN  
** Last known location?

 **SAM  
** His daughta say da thug was on his way ta git on over ta tha Broward County Mystery Spot.

DEAN turns over a gangbangin' flyer n' shit. Da front has a big-ass question mark n' tha lyrics "Broward County Mystery Spot". Da back say "E=MC2?", "A=πR2?", n' "F=GM1M2/R22?" below tha lines DEAN readz aloud.

 **DEAN  
** Where tha lawz of physics have no meaning.

SAM shrugs. DORIS arrives wit a tray wit two coffees n' a funky-ass forty of bangin' sauce.

 **DORIS  
** Two coffees, black, n' some bangin' sauce fo' the—

DORIS gasps as tha bangin' sauce falls off tha tray n' smashes on tha floor.

 **DORIS  
** Whoops. Crap! Sorry. (Bitch turns ta tha back.) Cleanup!

 

**EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - DAY**

A dawg barks as SAM n' DEAN pass. DEAN grabs tha Mystery Spot flyer from SAMz hands.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, joints like dis is only tourist traps, right, biatch? I mean, you know, balls rollin uphill, furniture nailed ta tha ceiling, they only fucked up ta yo' wallet.

 **SAM  
** Okay, look, I be just saying, there be spots up in tha ghetto where holez open up n' swallow people. Da Bermuda Triangle, uh, tha Oregon Vortex—

 **DEAN  
** Broward County Mystery Spot?

 **SAM  
** Well sometimes these places is legit.

 **DEAN  
** All right, so if it is legit, n' thatz a funky-ass big-ass if, whatz tha lore?

 **SAM  
** Well—

DEAN collides wit BLONDE GIRL, whoz ass is carryin a stack of paper.

 **BLONDE GIRL  
** Excuse mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** Da lorez pretty friggin nuts, actually. They say these places tha magnetic fieldz is so phat dat they can bend spacetime, bustin suckas no one knows where.

 **DEAN**  
Soundz a lil  _X-Filez_  ta mah dirty ass.  
  
SAM n' DEAN pass two MOVERS tryin ta git a thugged-out desk up in a thugged-out door.

 **MOVER 1  
** Told you it wouldn't fit.

 **MOVER 2  
** What do you want, a Pulitzer?

 **SAM  
** All right, look, I aint sayin dis is straight-up happenin yo, but if it is, we gotta check it out, peep if we can do something.

 **DEAN  
** All right, all right, we'll go tonight afta they close, git ourselves a sick long look.

 

**INT. MYSTERY SPOT - NIGHT**

Da hallway is neon chronic wit a funky-ass black double spiral painted on tha walls n' door. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Da door opens ta reveal SAM n' DEAN wit flashlights, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM closes tha door behind dem wild-ass muthafuckas. They move up tha hallway. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM pulls up tha EMF reader n' shit. DEAN shines tha flashlight round n' up onto a table, lamp, n' ashtray attached upside-down ta tha ceiling.

 **DEAN (sarcastically)  
** Wow. Uncanny.

SAM examines another table wit a Cristal glass n' a poultry dinner, dis one at a angle ta tha floor. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. They both move on.

 **DEAN  
** Find anything?

 **SAM, holdin tha unresponsive EMF meter  
** No.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass have any scam what tha fuck you lookin for?

 **SAM  
** Uh ... yeah.

DEAN raises his wild lil' fuckin eyebrows skeptically.

 **SAM  
** No.

DEAN shakes his head. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! They both shine flashlights round other partz of tha room.  
  
OWNER  
What tha hell is you bustin here?  
  
SAM turns ta look. DEAN points his wild lil' flashlight n' handgun all up in tha voice. Da OWNER has a glock aimed at DEAN. DEAN points his wild lil' freakadelic glock elsewhere.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. Whoa. We can explain.

Da OWNER points tha glock at SAM.

 **OWNER  
** Yo ass robbin me son?

 **SAM  
** Look, no muthafuckaz robbin you, quit trippin' out.

 **Da OWNER points tha glock back at DEAN.  
** Don't move biaatch!

 **DEAN  
** Just puttin tha glock down.

Da OWNER fires. DEAN falls.

 **SAM  
** Dean!

SAM rushes ta DEAN. DEAN strugglez ta breathe.

 **SAM  
** Hey!

SAM looks all up in tha OWNER.

 **SAM  
** Call 911!

 **OWNER  
** I-I didn't mean to-

 **SAM  
** Now!

Da OWNER leaves.

 **SAM  
** Yo, hey, oh, no, no, no ... not like dis y'all...

DEAN goes still yo. His eyes close. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM watches, devastated.

 **SAM  
** Dean.


	2. ACT ONE

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes snap open.

 

  
INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

SAM sits up in bed n' stares around.

**RADIO  
** _Tellin you what tha fuck yo' ass is_

**DEAN  
** Rise n' shine, Sammy!

DEAN is chillin on tha other bed, tyin his shoes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares at him, then all up in tha clock radio.

 **RADIO**  
_Da heat of tha moment_  
_Showed up in yo' eyes_

 **DEAN  
** Dude fo' realz. Asia.

SAM keeps staring, breathang hard.

 **SAM  
** Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Oh, come on, you ludd dis cold lil' woo wop n' you know dat shit.

DEAN turns tha volume up n' starts boppin along, exactly like tha last time. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares afta his muthafuckin ass.

 

 

INT. BATHROOM

DEAN garglez loudly n' buggin. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM dranks some water, swishes, n' spits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. DEAN notices SAMz lack of erection n' spits up his crazy-ass grillful.

 **DEAN  
** What?

 **SAM  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck.

 **DEAN  
** Y'all right?

 **SAM  
** I be thinkin I—

SAM pauses.

 **SAM  
** Man, I had a weird dream.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, biatch? Clowns or midgets?

 

  
INT. DINER - DAY

Da door chimes as SAM n' DEAN enter n' shit. CASHIER gives MR. PICKETT some chizzle.

 **CASHIER  
** Drive safely now, Mista Muthafuckin Pickett.

  1. **PICKETT  
** Yeah, yeah.



SAM n' DEAN find a funky-ass booth. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is starin around, bewildered.

 **WAITRESS  
** Can't stay unless you order something, Cal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Yo ass know tha rules.

CAL passes her some chizzle. In tha background, SAM stares hard at dem wild-ass muthafuckas.

 **CAL  
** Coffee.

DEAN notices a posta on tha wall.

 **DEAN  
** Hey. Tuesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Pig up in a poke.

SAM glances between DEAN n' tha poster.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but Tuesday?

 **DEAN  
** Yeah.

 **DORIS  
** Is you thugs ready?

 **DEAN  
** Yes, I be bout ta have tha special, side of bacon n' a cold-ass lil coffee.

SAM stares fo' a minute.

 **SAM  
** Uh, not a god damn thang fo' me, props.

 **DORIS  
** Let me know if you chizzle yo' mind.

 **DEAN  
** I be spittin some lyrics ta you, Sam, dis thang is lil' small-ass fry. We should be bustin our time hustlin down Bela.

SAM stares afta DORIS.

 **DEAN  
** Hey.

DEAN snaps his wild lil' fingers at SAM.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass wit me son?

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass shizzle you feel aiiight?

SAM sighs.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass don't—you don't remember, biatch? Any of this?

 **DEAN  
** Remember what?

 **SAM  
** This. Today. It make me wanna hollar playa! Like it's—like itz ... happened before?

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass mean like déjà vu?

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, I mean like, like itz straight-up happened before.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. Like déjà vu.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, forget bout déjà vu fo'sho. I be askin you if it feels like, like our slick asses livin yesterdizzle all over again.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, how tha fuck is dat not dé—

 **SAM, mad salty  
** Don't, don't say dat shiznit son! Just don't even...

DORIS arrives wit a tray wit one fruity-ass malt liquor n' tha bangin' sauce.

 **DORIS  
** Coffee, black, n' some bangin' sauce fo' the—oops muthafucka! Crap!

SAM notices tha bangin' sauce wobble on tha tray n' catches it as it falls. DORIS gasps. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares all up in tha forty up in his hand n' gives it back.

 **DORIS  
** Thanks.

DORIS puts down tha forty n' leaves.

 **DEAN  
** Sick reflexes.

SAM swallows, frustrated n' confused, n' don't say anything.

 

 

**EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - DAY**

Da dawg barks as SAM n' DEAN pass. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares back over his shoulder.

 **DEAN  
** Sam, I be sorry yo, but I don't give a fuck what tha fuck tha hell you poppin' off about.

 **SAM  
** Okay, look. Yesterdizzle was Tuesday, right, biatch? But todizzle is Tuesdizzle like a muthafucka.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah. No. Good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Yo ass is straight-up balanced.

 **SAM  
** So you don't believe me son?!

DEAN laughs n' collides wit BLONDE GIRL.

 **BLONDE GIRL  
** Excuse mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Look, I be just sayin dat itz crazy, you know, I mean, even fo' our asses crazy. Dingo ate mah baby crazy. Yo, maybe dat shiznit was another of yo' psycho premonitions.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no way, way too vivid. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Okay, look, we was all up in tha Mystery Spot, n' then—

 **DEAN  
** And then what?

 **SAM**  
(pauses, not wantin ta say)  
Then I woke up.

SAM n' DEAN pass tha MOVERS.

 **MOVER 1  
** Told you it wouldn't fit.

 **MOVER 2  
** What do you want, a Pulitzer?

 **SAM  
** Wait a minute biaaatch! Da Mystery Spot. Yo ass be thinkin maybe it—

 **DEAN  
** Maybe what?

 **SAM (sighs)  
** We gotta check dat place out. Look, just- go wit me on this, aiiight?

 **DEAN  
** All right, all right, we'll go tonight, afta close, git ourselves a sick long look.

SAM realizes what tha fuck DEAN holla'd n' whips around.

 **SAM  
** Wait, what, biatch? No.

 **DEAN  
** Why not?

 **SAM  
** Uhh (not wantin ta say)- Letz just go now, nahmeean, biatch? Right now, nahmeean, biatch? Businizz hours, sick n' crowded.

 **DEAN  
** My fuckin God, you a gangbangin' freak.

 **SAM  
** Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Okay dawwwwg! Whatever n' shit. We bout ta go now, nahmeean?

DEAN strutts all dem feet ahead of SAM n' looks ta his bangin right as he entas tha street fo' realz. A hoopty slams tha fuck into his ass from his fuckin left.

 **SAM  
** Dean!

SAM rushes ta DEAN.

 **SAM  
** Dean, no, no, no.

DEAN has blood on his wild lil' grill n' is barely moving. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM turns his ass over n' picks his ass up.

 **SAM  
** Come on! Dean.

  1. PICKETT leans outta tha now-stopped car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares at him, then back at DEAN.



**SAM  
** Hey. Dean.

DEAN aint moving.

 **SAM  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dean.

 

  
Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes snap open.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

SAM sits up in bed n' stares around.

**RADIO  
** _Tellin you what tha fuck yo' ass is_

**DEAN  
** Rise n' shine, Sammy!

DEAN is chillin on tha other bed, tyin his shoes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares at his muthafuckin ass.

 **RADIO**  
_Da heat of tha moment_  
_Showed up in yo' eyes_

 

INT. BATHROOM

DEAN garglez loudly n' buggin. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM watches.

 

INT. DINER - DAY

 **DEAN  
** Hey. Tuesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Pig up in a poke.

 **SAM  
** Okay, would you dig me, Dean, biatch? 'Cause I be flippin out.

 **DORIS  
** Is you thugs ready?

 **SAM  
** Dude bout ta take tha special, side of bacon, coffee, black. Nothang fo' me, props.

 **DORIS  
** Yo ass gots dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Sammy, I git all tingly when you take control like dat n' like dis n' like dat y'all.

 **SAM  
** Quit screwin around, Dean.

 **DEAN  
** Okay. Okay. I be listening. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So, so- you be thinkin dat you up in some kind of a what tha fuck again?

 **SAM  
** Time loop.

 **DEAN  
** Like "Groundhog Day".

 **SAM  
** Yes, exactly. Like "Groundhog Day".

 **DEAN, nodding  
** Uh-huh.

 **SAM  
** So you don't believe mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN (laughs)  
** It aint nuthin but just a lil crazy, I mean even fo' our asses crazy, you know, like, uh—

 **SAM  
** Dingo ate mah baby crazy?

 **DEAN  
** How'd you know I was goin ta say that?

 **SAM  
** Because you holla'd it before, Dean, thatz mah whole point.

 **DORIS  
** Coffee, black, n' some bangin' sauce fo' the—whoops muthafucka! Crap.

SAM catches tha bangin' sauce n' handz it back ta DORIS without looking.

 **DORIS  
** Thanks.

DORIS puts down tha bangin' sauce n' leaves.

 **DEAN  
** Sick reflexes.

 **SAM  
** No. I knew dat shiznit was goin ta happen.

 **DEAN (sighs)  
** Okay, look. I be shizzle dat there be a some sort of a explanation—

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is just goin ta gotta go wit me on this, Dean, you just have to, you owe me dat much!

 **DEAN  
** Calm down-

 **SAM  
** Don't tell me ta quit trippin' up son! I can't quit trippin' out. I can't. Because—

 **DEAN  
** Because what?

 **SAM  
** Because you die, todizzle, Dean.

 **DEAN  
** I aint gonna take a thugged-out dirt nap. Not todizzle.

 **SAM  
** Twice now I've peeped you die, n' I can't- I won't do it again, aiiight, biatch? Yo ass is just goin ta gotta believe mah dirty ass. Please.

 **DEAN  
** All right. I still be thinkin you nuts yo, but aiiight, whatever dis is, we'll figure it out.

SAM nodz unhappily.

 

  
EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - DAY

Da dawg barks as SAM n' DEAN pass. DEAN collides wit BLONDE GIRL.

 **BLONDE GIRL  
** Excuse mah dirty ass.

SAM n' DEAN pass tha MOVERS.

 **MOVER 1  
** Told you it wouldn't fit.

 **MOVER 2  
** What do you want, a Pulitzer?

 **DEAN  
** And you be thinkin dis cheesy-ass tourist trap has suttin' ta do wit it?

 **SAM  
** Maybe itz tha real deal, you know, biatch? The, tha magnetic fieldz bendin spacetime or whatever.

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a fuck, all dat shiznit seems a lil too "X-Files" fo' mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** Well, I don't give a fuck how tha fuck else ta explain it, Dean!

 **DEAN  
** All right son! All right. We bout ta go tonight afta they close, git ourselves a sick long look.

 **SAM  
** No no no no no, we can't.

 **DEAN  
** Why not?

 **SAM  
** Because y-y-ou— (he stops, unable ta finish)

 **DEAN  
** I what?

SAM don't say anything.

 **DEAN  
** I take a thugged-out dirtnap there?

 **SAM  
** Blown away, actually.

 **DEAN  
** Huh. Okay, letz go now, nahmeean?

DEAN starts forward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM rushes afta his ass n' grabs his ass before he runs tha fuck into tha street. MR. PICKETTz hoopty zooms past.

  1. **PICKETT  
** Stay outta tha way!



SAM n' DEAN stare afta tha car. Shiiit, dis aint no joke. DEAN laughs until da perved-out muthafucka sees SAMz face.

 **DEAN  
** Wait, did he-?

 **SAM  
** Yesterday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** And?

 **SAM  
** And what?

 **DEAN  
** Did it look cool, like up in tha pornos?

 **SAM (irritated)  
** Yo ass peed yo ass.

 **DEAN (uncomfortable, embarrassed)  
** Of course I peed mah dirty ass. Man gets hit by a cold-ass lil car, you be thinkin dat schmoooove muthafucka has full control over his bladder, biatch? Come on!

DEAN is careful ta look both ways before they cross tha street.

 

  
INT. MYSTERY SPOT - DAY

 **OWNER  
** Boys, I can't rap how tha fuck much I appreciate all dis bullshit. We could use all tha phat ink we can get.

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck long have you owned tha place, Mista Muthafuckin Carpiak?

 **OWNER  
** Well, mah crewz been guardin tha secrets here since you don't wanna know when.

 **SAM  
** So you'd know if anythang strange happened.

 **OWNER  
** Strange, biatch? Strange happens here all tha time. It aint nuthin but a Mystery Spot. (chuckles)

 **SAM  
** What exactly do dat mean?

 **OWNER  
** Well, uh ... itz where tha lawz of physics have no meaning.

 **SAM, mad salty  
** Okay, like how?

 **OWNER, grinning  
** Take tha tour.

 **DEAN  
** Da muthafucka whoz ass went missing, Dexta Hasselback, tha pimpin' muthafucka take tha tour?

 **OWNER  
** Uh, uh, hold on a minute, what tha fuck kind of article is this?

 **SAM  
** Just answer tha question.

 **OWNER  
** Da five-o scoured every last muthafuckin inch of dis place. They couldn't find dat man. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I never peeped his ass before. We a cold-ass lil crew establishment—

SAM gets up in tha OWNERz face.

 **SAM  
** Listen ta mah dirty ass. There is suttin' weird goin on here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. Now do you know anythang bout it or not?

 **OWNER  
** Okay. Look. Guys. Um. Give me a funky-ass break. I looted tha joint at a gangbangin' foreclosure auction last March, all right, biatch? Hell, I used ta push bail bonds.

SAM stares at him, stony-faced.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, Kojak, letz git some air.

DEAN steers SAM outside.

 

 

  
EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - NIGHT

 **DEAN  
** Well, I don't give a fuck bout ta say it yo, but dat place is exactly what tha fuck I thought - itz full of crap.

 **SAM  
** Then what tha fuck is it, Dean, what tha fuck tha hell is goin' down ta us?

 **DEAN  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck fo' realz. All right, let me just- So, every last muthafuckin dizzle I take a thugged-out dirt nap.

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** And thatz when you raise up again, right?

 **SAM  
** Yeah.

 **DEAN  
** So letz just make shizzle I don't take a thugged-out dirt nap. If I make it ta tomorrow, then maybe tha loop stops n' we can figure all dis out.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass think?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but worth a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shot. I say we grab some takeout n' head back ta tha motel, lay low until midnight.

SAM nods, hopeful, anxious, shaky.

 **DEAN  
** All right, good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Dum diddy-dum, here I come biaaatch! Who tha fuck wants Chinese?

DEAN starts struttin again n' again n' again n' gets two steps before bein flattened by a gangbangin' fallin desk. Da MOVERS, one holdin tha other end of tha snapped rope n' tha other up in tha window, stare all up in tha scene, n' SAM, despairing, also looks at his brutha n' shit.

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

 

 

  
**RADIO  
**_Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes open.

 

 

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

SAM sits up in bed n' stares around.

DEAN is chillin on tha other bed, tyin his shoes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM stares at his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Rise n' shine, Sammy!

 **RADIO  
**_Tellin you what tha fuck yo' ass is_   _Da heat of tha moment_

SAM lies back down n' tries ta breathe.

 **RADIO**  
_Shown up in yo' eyes_  
_Dat shiznit was tha heat of tha moment_


	3. ACT TWO

INT. DINER - DAY

SAM has a thugged-out despairin expression on his wild lil' face.

 **DEAN  
** I still be thinkin you nuts yo, but ... whatever dis is, we'll figure it out.

 **SAM  
** Thanks.

 **DEAN  
** So, uh ... If you stuck up in "Groundhog Day", why, biatch? Whatz behind it?

 **SAM  
** Well, first I thought dat shiznit was tha Mystery Spot. Now I aint so sure.

 **DEAN  
** What do our phat asses do?

 **SAM  
** Well, we keep you breathing. Try ta make it ta tomorrow. I mean, thatz tha only thang I can be thinkin of.

 **DEAN  
** Shouldn't be too hard.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, right. Dean, I've peeped you take a thugged-out dirtnap all dem times now n' I can't eva seem ta stop dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Well, nothingz set up in stone. Yo ass say I order tha same thang every last muthafuckin day, right?

 **SAM  
** Yeah. Pig up in a poke, side of bacon.

DEAN turns ta DORIS, whoz ass is standin by tha window ta tha kitchen, poppin' off wit tha COOK.

 **DEAN  
** 'Scuse me, dopeheart?

DORIS turns.

 **DEAN  
** Can I git sausage instead of bacon?

 **DORIS  
** Sure thang, hon.

 **DEAN  
** See, biatch? Different dizzle already. Yo ass see, if you n' I decizzle dat I aint gonna take a thugged-out dirtnap- I aint gonna take a thugged-out dirt nap.

DORIS brangs over DEANz chicken n' you know I be eatin up dat shizzle all muthafuckin day, biatch.

 **DEAN  
** Nuff props, biatch.

DEAN stabs a sausage link wit his wild lil' fork n' bites in. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM grins. DEAN starts ta choke.

 **SAM  
** Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Dean?

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

 

  
**RADIO  
**_Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes open.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

SAM sits up in bed n' stares around.

INT. BATHROOM - DAY

DEAN pokes his shampoo lathery head round tha shower curtain.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass mean we can't even go up fo' breakfast?

 **SAM  
** You'll give props ta me when itz Wednesday!

 **DEAN  
** Whatever dat means.

DEAN disappears behind tha shower curtain.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

SAM looks up tha window yo. Dude hears DEAN yelp, followed by a thud.

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

 

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes open.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

DEAN bites tha fuck into a takeout taco.

 **DEAN  
** Do these tacos taste funky ta yo slick ass?

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM - DAY

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAM sits up in bed.

DEAN plugs up in a electric razor n' is electrocuted.

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes open.

INT. MYSTERY SPOT - NIGHT

Establishin blasted of tha neon-green-and-black spiral hallway.

Yo, nuff muthafuckin thuds. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM is breakin down tha walls wit a axe. DEAN grins all up in tha OWNER, whoz ass is duct-taped ta a cold-ass lil chair.

 **DEAN (reassuringly ta OWNER)  
** All Y'allz fine, no muthafuckaz gonna git hurt, aiiight, biatch? Sammy?

SAM stops n' turns.

 **DEAN  
** Maybe you should drop tha axe n' let dis muthafucka go, what tha fuck do you say?

 **SAM  
** Somethingz gotta be goin on here, so peek-a-boo, clear tha way, I be comin' thru fo'sho. I intend ta smoke up what.

SAM goes back ta swingin tha axe.

 **DEAN  
** Place is tore up pretty good, dude. Time ta give it a rest.

 **SAM  
** NO! I'ma take it down ta studs.

 **DEAN, standin up  
** Sammy, thatz enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Give me tha axe.

 **SAM offscreen  
** Leave it, Dean.

 **DEAN offscreen  
** Give dat shit.

 **SAM offscreen  
** Fuck dat shit, you give dat shit.

 **DEAN offscreen  
** Let it go.

 **SAM offscreen  
** No.

 **DEAN offscreen  
** Let it go, come on!

 **SAM offscreen  
** Dean, leave it, please—

Da OWNER is splashed wit blood.

 **SAM  
** Dean?

Thud. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Da OWNER tries ta yell all up in tha duct tape.

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

 

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes open.

INT. DINER - DAY

Da door chimes as SAM n' DEAN enter n' shit. CASHIER gives MR. PICKETT some chizzle.

 **CASHIER  
** Drive safely now, Mista Muthafuckin Pickett.

  1. **PICKETT  
** Yeah, yeah.



SAM bumps tha fuck into MR. PICKETT as they pass.

 **WAITRESS  
** Can't stay unless you order something, Cal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Yo ass know tha rules.

CAL passes her some chizzle.

 **CAL  
** Coffee.

SAM n' DEAN sit tha fuck down up in a funky-ass booth. Therez a MAN all up in tha counta wit pancakes n' maple syrup—hez been up in tha background of tha bangin' sauce scenes but dis time he noticeable.

 **DEAN  
** Hey. Tuesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Pig up in a poke.

SAM puts a set of keys on tha table. DEAN looks at them, then at SAM.

 **DEAN  
** What is them?

 **SAM  
** Da oldschool man's. Trust me, you don't want his ass behind tha wheel.

 **DORIS  
** Yo ass thugs ready?

 **DEAN  
** Uh, fo'sho, we are. I be bout ta have tha special, side of bacon n' a cold-ass lil coffee.

 **SAM  
** Yo, Doris, biatch? What I'd like is fo' you ta log up in some mo' minutes all up in tha archery range. Yo ass be a shitty shot.

 **DORIS  
** How'd you know that?

 **SAM  
** Lucky guess.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, so you be thinkin you caught up in some kind of what, again?

 **SAM  
** Time loop.

 **DEAN  
** Like  _Groundhog Day_.

 **SAM  
** Doesn't matter n' shit. Therez no way ta stop dat shit.

 **DEAN  
** Jeez, aren't you grumpy.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, I am. Yo ass wanna know why, biatch? Because dis is tha hundredth Tuesdizzle up in a row I've been through, n' it never stops. Ever n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. So yeah, I be a lil grumpy yo. Hot sauce.

 **DEAN  
** What?

DORIS arrives wit tha fruity-ass malt liquor n' bangin' sauce.

 **DORIS  
** Coffee, black, n' some bangin' sauce fo' the—whoops muthafucka! Crap!

SAM catches tha bangin' sauce n' slides it across tha table.

 **DORIS  
** Thanks.

 **DEAN  
** Sick reflexes.

 **SAM  
** I knew dat shiznit was goin ta happen, Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. I know every last muthafuckin thang thatz gonna happen.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass don't give a fuck  _everything_.

 **SAM  
** Yeah. I do.

 **DEAN n' SAM up in unison  
** Yeah, right. Sick guess.

 **SAM  
** It wasn't a guess.

 **DEAN n' SAM up in unison  
** Right, you a mind reader n' shit. Cut it out, Sam. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam.

They lean towardz each other simultaneously.

 **DEAN n' SAM up in unison  
** Yo ass be thinkin you bein funky but you bein straight-up straight-up childish! Sam Winchesta wears makeup. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam Winchesta cries his way all up in sex. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sam Winchesta keeps a rula by tha bed n' every last muthafuckin mornin when da thug wakes up he—

DEAN throws up his hands.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, enough!

 **SAM  
** Thatz not all. Randy tha cheddaier, biatch? Dat punk skimmin from tha regista n' shit. Judge Myers, biatch? At night he puts on a gangbangin' furry bunny tracksuit.

JUDGE MYERS, overhearing, knocks over his wild lil' freakadelic glass.

 **SAM  
** Over there, thatz Cal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. Dat punk gonna rob Tony tha maniac on tha way home.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz yo' point?

 **SAM  
** My fuckin point is I've lived all up in every last muthafuckin possible Tuesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! I've peeped you take a thugged-out dirtnap every last muthafuckin possible way. I have ripped apart tha Mystery Spot, burnt it down, tried every last muthafuckin thang I know ta save yo' game, n' I can't. No matta what tha fuck I do, you take a thugged-out dirt nap fo' realz. And then I wake up fo' realz. And then itz Tuesdizzle again.

 

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET - DAY

 **SAM  
** Dog.

Da dawg barks as SAM n' DEAN pass.

 **DEAN  
** Therez gotta be some way outta this.

 **SAM  
** "Wherez mah dang keys?"

They pass MR. PICKETT, searchin his thugged-out lil' pockets fo' tha keys SAM lifted.

  1. **PICKETT  
** Wherez mah dang keys?



**SAM  
** "Excuse mah dirty ass."

DEAN collides wit BLONDE GIRL.

 **BLONDE GIRL  
** Excuse mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Dat hoe kinda cute. (chuckles)

DEAN puts up a hand ta stop SAM.

 **DEAN  
** Hey fo' realz. All tha times we've strutted down dis street, I eva do this?

DEAN goes back ta BLONDE GIRL.

 **DEAN offscreen  
** Excuse me, miss!

 **SAM, starin afta him  
** No.

BLONDE GIRL gives DEAN one of her papers. For tha last time we can peep dat there be a picture n' tha word "MISSING".

 **DEAN  
** A hundred Tuesdays n' you never bothered ta check what tha fuck dat biiiiatch was holdin up in her hands?

SAM shrugs. DEAN holdz up tha flyer.

 **DEAN  
** Thatz tha muthafucka whoz ass went missing?

SAM stares all up in tha name "DEXTER HASSELBACK" under tha picture from tha newspaper clipping.

 **SAM  
** Yeah?

 **DEAN  
** Thatz his fuckin lil' daughta back there.

SAM grabs tha flyer n' runs afta BLONDE GIRL.

 **SAM  
** Ma'am, biatch? Ah, Miss?

Da dawg growls n' barks at DEAN.

DEAN looks all up in tha dog, then smilez n' leans over ta pet dat shit.  
Yo dawg dawwwwg! Some Muthafucka need a gangbangin' playa, biatch? Dope boy—aaah!

 

  
Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

**RADIO  
** _Heat of tha moment_

SAMz eyes open.

INT. DINER - DAY

DEAN is smokin n' SAM is on tha laptop; behind dem tha MAN wit tha pancakes is readin a newspaper n' shiznit fo' realz. A thang of pink syrup is visible next ta his thugged-out lil' plate.

 **SAM  
** So tha five-o report say Dexta Hasselback be a pimp yo, but thatz not all he is.

 **DEAN  
** What tha fuck iz he?

 **SAM  
** I talked ta his fuckin lil' daughter n' shit. Guyz like tha journalist. Columns up in magazines, a funky-ass blog. I be bloggin like a muthafucka up in dis biatch.

Da MAN leaves.

 **SAM  
** Dude writes bout tourist attractions. Mystery spots, UFO crash sites—he gets his kicks debunkin dem wild-ass muthafuckas. I mean, he already put four of these places outta bidnizz yo. Here.

SAM turns tha laptop ta grill DEAN. Onscreen is tha bibliography of tha lyricist of tha Snoop Bloggy-Blogg "Da Hasselback Report" wit a picture of Hasselback n' a headline DEAN readz aloud.

 **DEAN  
** Dexta Hasselback, truth warrior, biatch? Mo' like a pompous schmuck, you ask mah dirty ass.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, tell me bout dat shit. I mean, I've read every last muthafuckin thang tha muthafuckaz eva written, n' he must have weighed a ton, da thug was so full of his dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** When'd you have time ta do all dis research?

 **SAM  
** COme on.

SAM packs up tha laptop. They git up. DEAN laughs.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **DEAN  
** I just, itz just funky, you know, I mean, dis muthafucka spendz his whole game crappin on Mystery Spots n' then he vanishes tha fuck into one. It aint nuthin but kinda poetic, you know, just desserts.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is right, dat is just desserts.

SAM notices tha MANz abandoned plate; it has a partial pancake n' pink syrup.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz wrong?

SAM watches tha MAN strutt by tha diner windows.

 **SAM  
** Guy has maple syrup fo' tha last hundred Tuesdays, all of a sudden dat schmoooove muthafucka havin strawberry?

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but a gangbangin' free ghetto. Man can't chizzle his own syrup, huh, biatch? What have we become?

 **SAM  
** Not up in dis diner n' shit. Not todizzle. It make me wanna hollar playa! Nothang up in dis place eva chizzles. Ever n' shit. Except mah dirty ass.

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

 **RADIO  
** Heat of tha moment

SAMz eyes open.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM – DAY

SAM sits up in bed n' stares around.

 **RADIO  
** Tellin you what tha fuck yo' ass is

 **DEAN  
** Rise n' shine, Sammy hommie!

DEAN is chillin on tha other bed, tyin his shoes. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM looks around.

 **RADIO**  
Da heat of tha moment  
Showed up in yo' eyes

INT. DINER – DAY

Da MAN is smokin pancakes wit maple syrup. Behind him, DEAN is smokin n' SAM is watchin tha MAN.

 **DEAN  
** So you be thinkin you caught up in some kind of what, again?

 **SAM  
** Eat yo' breakfast.

Da MAN leaves. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM bigs up.

 **DEAN  
** Whatz up in tha bag?

DEAN bigs up SAM.

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY

Da MAN strutts down tha street. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM grabs him, slams his ass tha fuck into tha fence, n' puts tha tip of a wooden stake at his cold-ass throat.

 **MAN  
** Yo hommie!

 **SAM  
** I know whoz ass yo ass is. Or should I say, what.

 **MAN  
** Oh mah god, please don't bust a cap up in mah dirty ass.

 **DEAN  
** Uh, Sam?

 **SAM  
** It took me a hell of a long-ass time but I gots dat shit.

 **MAN  
** What?

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but yo' MO dat gave you away. Goin afta pompous jerks, givin dem they just desserts—your kind loves that, don't they?

 **MAN  
** Yeah, sure, aiiight.

Da MAN glances nervously all up in tha stake.

 **MAN  
** Just put tha stake down!

 **DEAN  
** Sam, maybe you should—

 **SAM  
** No! Therez only one creature bangin enough ta do what tha fuck you bustin. Makin realitizzle outta nothing, stickin playas up in time loops—in fact you'd pretty much gotta be a god. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! You'd gotta be a Trickster.

 **MAN  
** Mister, hoes call me Ed Coleman, mah hoez name is Amelia, I gots two kids, fo' bustin up like a biatch up bangin I push ad space—

 **SAM  
** Don't lie ta me biaaatch! I know what tha fuck yo ass is biaaatch! We've capped one of yo' kind before biaatch!

Da MAN morphs tha fuck into tha TRICKSTER we remember from 2.15 Tall Talez n' grins. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM n' DEAN stare.

 **TRICKSTER  
** Actually, bucko, you didn't.


	4. ACT THREE

**SAM  
** Why is you bustin this?

 **TRICKSTER  
** Yo ass is clownin, right, biatch? Yo ass chuckleheadz tried ta bust a cap up in me last time. Why wouldn't I do this?

 **DEAN  
** And Hasselback, what tha fuck bout him?

 **TRICKSTER  
** That putz, biatch? Dude holla'd da ruffneck didn't believe up in wormholes, so I dropped his ass up in one.

Da TRICKSTER laughs.

 **TRICKSTER  
** Then you muthafuckas flossed up. I made you tha second you hit town.

 **SAM  
** So dis is funk fo' yo slick ass, biatch? Bustin' Dean over n' over again?

 **TRICKSTER  
** One, yes. Well shiiiit, it is fun. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And two, biatch? This is so not bout cappin' Dean. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. This joke is on you, Sam. Watchin yo' brutha die, every last muthafuckin day, biatch? Forever?

 **SAM  
** Yo ass lil hustla of a funky-ass biiiatch.

 **TRICKSTER  
** How tha fuck long will it take you ta realize, biatch? Yo ass can't save yo' brutha n' shit. No matta what.

 **SAM  
** Oh yeah, biatch? I bust a cap up in you, dis all endz now, nahmeean?

 **TRICKSTER  
** Oh-oh, hey, whoa! Okay. Look. I was just playin around. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Yo ass can't take a joke, fine. Yo ass is outta dat shit. Tomorrow, you gonna raise up n' it'll be Wednesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! I swear.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is lying.

 **TRICKSTER  
** If I am, you know where ta find mah dirty ass yo. Havin pancakes all up in tha diner.

SAM looks at DEAN, then back all up in tha TRICKSTER.

 **SAM  
** No. Easier ta just bust a cap up in you, biatch.

 **TRICKSTER  
** Sorry, kiddo. Can't have all dis bullshit.

Da TRICKSTER snaps his wild lil' fingers.

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

 **RADIO  
** Promise me I be bout ta be back up in time

SAMz eyes snap open.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM – DAY

SAM sits up in bed n' stares around.

 **RADIO  
** Gotta git back up in time

 **DEAN  
** What, you gonna chill all day?

DEAN is standin by tha bathroom sink.

 **SAM  
** No Asia.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, I know. This station sucks.

 **RADIO  
** On a roll of tha dice

SAM stares all up in tha clock radio. Well shiiiit, it say WED. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM gasps.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but Wednesdizzle hommie!

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, probably comes afta Tuesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Turn dat thang off, will yo slick ass?

 **SAM, grinning  
** What, is you kiddin me son, biatch? This aint da most thugged-out dope cold lil' woo wop you've eva heard?

 **DEAN  
** No yo. How tha fuck nuff Tuesdays did you have?

SAM throws a long-sleeved hoodie over his T-shirt.

 **SAM  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. I lost count. Yo, wait. What do you remember?

 **DEAN  
** I remember you was pretty whacked outta it yesterdizzle n' then I remember hustlin tha fuck into tha Tricksta n' shit. But no, thatz bout dat shit.

 **SAM  
** All right. Pack yo' stuff, letz git tha hell outta town. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Now.

 **DEAN  
** No breakfast?

 **SAM  
** No breakfast.

EXT. PARKING LOT – DAY

DEAN pulls a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass shotgun outta tha secret compartment, puts it up in a thugged-out duffel bag, closes tha compartment, puts tha bag up in tha trunk, n' closes tha trunk yo. Dude hears one of mah thugs behind his muthafuckin ass.

 **DEAN  
** Yo ass shizzle we should just let tha Tricksta go?

DEAN turns ta grill tha person; itz CAL, not SAM. CAL is pointin a handgun at DEAN.

 **CAL  
** Gimme yo' wallet.

 **DEAN  
** Whoa whoa whoa, dawg, just chillax.

 **CAL  
** I be chillaxed dawwwg!

CAL aint chillaxed.

 **DEAN  
** Okay, all right, no muthafucka wants dis ta end tha wack way, letz rap bout it a sec.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM – DAY

SAM is packin yo. His head snaps round when dat schmoooove muthafucka hears a gunshot.

 **SAM  
** Dean!

EXT. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. STREET – DAY

CAL runs round tha corner n' shit. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM hurries down tha motel exterior stairs. DEAN is on his side on tha asphalt, blood on his shirt. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM runs ta his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Fuck dat shit, no, no no no, hey, hey, come on, not todizzle, not todizzle, dis aint supposed ta happen todizzle, come on—

SAM realizes DEAN aint movin yo. Dude closes his wild lil' fuckin eyes n' waits, n' you can put dat on yo' toast. Nothang happens yo. Dude opens his wild lil' fuckin eyes. DEAN is still dead as fuckin fried chicken.

 **SAM  
** I be supposed ta wake up.


	5. ACT FOUR

EXT. ROAD – NIGHT

A car, probably tha Impala, drives across tha screen. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da caption all up in tha bottom readz "Six Months Later".

INT. CAR – NIGHT

SAM be all up in tha wheel. Throughout dis montage, his thugged-out lil' punk-ass barely has any expression. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Da sound of a funky-ass beeper ringing.

 **V.O. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM  
** It aint nuthin but Sam. Leave me a message.

Beep. While BOBBY speaks, flashez of Sam shinin a gangbangin' flashlight around, tha outside of a funky-ass building, Sam firin a gun.

 **V.O. BOBBY  
** Sam, biatch? It aint nuthin but Bobby yo. Heard bout dat demon thang you took care of up in Dirtnap Valley. Sick thang. Been bout three months we talked, though cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. Be sick ta hear yo' voice. Give a cold-ass lil call. I be here.

Beep.

EXT. MOTEL LOT – NIGHT

SAM opens tha hoopty trunk n' pulls a glock outta tha secret compartment fo' realz. All tha weapons is neatly placed tha fuck into precisely-shaped foam slots like JOHNz arsenal up in 1.20 Dead Manz Blood.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

SAM opens tha room door yo. Dude pulls off his overshirt; his T-shirt is bloodsoaked. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude cuts up all up in tha bloodstain ta reveal a funky-ass bleedin wound. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Dude pours hydrogen peroxide on it n' goes tha fuck into tha hole wit a pair of suttin' resemblin tweezers, wit which he pulls up a funky-ass cap yo. Dude stitches tha wound.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

SAM is smokin.

Beep.

 **V.O. BOBBY  
** Sam, biatch? Bobby again. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Look, I be worried bout you, biatch.

SAM cleans a gun, facin a wall of maps n' newspaper clippings n' security-camera stills featurin tha Trickster, arranged up in neat lines wit none overlapping.

 **V.O. BOBBY  
** Just tell me you not chillin ridin' solo somewhere obsessin over dis damn Tricksta n' shit. Call me, Sam. We can find it together n' shit. No one playa should take suttin' like dis on ridin' solo. Yo ass hear me son, biatch? By tha way, dat vampire nest up in Austin, hell of a thang.

Closeup of SAMz eyes yo. Dude sits up stiffly n' make tha bed wit military precision. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude goes tha fuck into tha bathroom n' brushes his cold-ass teeth.

Beep.

 **V.O. BOBBY  
** Sam, biatch? It aint nuthin but Bobby. I found his muthafuckin ass.

INT. MYSTERY SPOT – NIGHT

BOBBY is kneelin on tha floor turnin tha pagez of a funky-ass book, which is dead centa of a cold-ass lil chalked diagram wit three candlez n' three bowlz of unidentified substances. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM entas tha room behind his muthafuckin ass. BOBBY stands.

 **BOBBY  
** It aint nuthin but phat ta peep you, boy.

Dude hugs SAM, whoz ass don't respond. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! BOBBY pulls back.

 **SAM  
** What is our phat asses bustin here, Bobby?

 **BOBBY  
** Well, itz tha last place we shizzle tha Tricksta hit dat shiznit his crazy-ass magic.

 **SAM  
** So?

 **BOBBY  
** So you want dis thang, biatch? I found a summonin ritual ta brang tha Tricksta here.

 **SAM  
** What do we need?

 **BOBBY  
** Blood.

 **SAM  
** How tha fuck much blood?

 **BOBBY  
** Ritual say near a gallon. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch fo' realz. And itz gotta be fresh, like a muthafucka.

 **SAM  
** Meanin we gotta bleed a thug dry.

 **BOBBY  
** And itz gotta be tonight. Or not fo' another fifty years.

 **SAM  
** Then letz go git some.

SAM turns ta muthafuckin bounce. BOBBY don't move. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM notices n' turns back.

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass break mah ass, kid.

 **SAM  
** What?

 **BOBBY  
** I aint gonna let you cappin' a innocent man.

 **SAM  
** Then why'd you brang me here?

 **BOBBY  
** Why, biatch? Because dat shiznit was tha only way you'd peep me biaaatch! Because I be tryin ta knock some sense tha fuck into you, nahmean biiiatch, biatch? Because I thought you'd back down from cappin' a man!

 **SAM  
** Well, you thought wrong. Leave tha stuff, I be bout ta do it mah dirty ass.

 **BOBBY  
** I holla'd at you, I aint gonna let you bust a cap up in a man.

 **SAM, shouting  
** It aint nuthin but none of yo' damn bidnizz what tha fuck I do!

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass want yo' brutha back so bad?

BOBBY leans down n' pulls a knife outta his bag yo. Dude holdz it up ta SAM.

 **BOBBY  
** Fine.

SAM eyes tha knife.

 **SAM  
** What is you poppin' off about?

 **BOBBY  
** Betta me than a cold-ass lil civilian.

BOBBY holdz tha knife up ta SAM.

 **SAM  
** Yo ass is crazy, Bobby. I aint cappin' you, biatch.

 **BOBBY  
** Oh, now I be tha wild-ass one. Look, Sam, I be old, I be comin near tha end of mah trail. But you can keep fighting. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Savin folk. But you need yo' brutha n' shit. Let me git his ass back ta you, biatch.

 **SAM  
** Bobby—

 **BOBBY  
** Yo ass n' Dean, you thugs is tha closest thang I gotta crew. I wanna do all dis bullshit.

SAM takes tha knife.

 **SAM  
** Okay.

 **BOBBY  
** Good.

BOBBY turns round n' goes ta his knees.

 **BOBBY  
** Just make it quick.

SAM waits.

 **BOBBY  
** Do it, son.

 **SAM  
** Yeah, aiiight, Bobby.

SAM pulls a stake outta his shirt.

 **SAM  
** But you wanna know why?

SAM grabs BOBBY round tha throat n' shoves tha stake all up in his back. Da tip comes up BOBBYz chest.

 **SAM  
** Because you not Bobby.

SAM twists tha stake. Blood spurts outta tha wound.

BOBBY goes still n' falls forward. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM lets go of him, then stares at BOBBYz corpse. Nothang happens.

 **SAM  
** Bobby, biatch? Bobby dawwwwg! Bobby hommie!

BOBBYz corpse vanishes. Da stake falls over, then blasts over SAMz shoulder tha fuck into tha hand of tha TRICKSTER. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM turns ta grill his muthafuckin ass.

 **TRICKSTER  
** Yo ass is right. I was just screwin wit you, biatch. Pretty good, though, Sam. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Smart. Let me rap , whoever holla'd Dean was tha dysfunctionizzle one has never peeped you wit a gangbangin' finger-lickin' dirty-ass sharp object up in yo' handz yo. Holy Full Metal Jacket.

 **SAM  
** Brin his ass back.

 **TRICKSTER  
** Who, Dean, biatch? Didn't mah hoe bust you flowers, biatch? Deanz dead as fuckin fried chicken. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch yo. Dude ain't comin back yo. His soulz downstairs bustin tha hellfire rumba as we speak.

 **SAM  
** Just take our asses back ta dat Tuesday—er, Wednesday—when all dat shiznit started. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! This type'a shiznit happens all tha time. Please. Us thugs won't come afta you, I swear.

 **TRICKSTER  
** Yo ass swear.

 **SAM  
** Yes yes y'all.

 **TRICKSTER  
** I don't give a gangbangin' fuck. Even if I could—

 **SAM  
** Yo ass can.

 **TRICKSTER  
** True. But dat don't mean I should. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! Sam, there be a a lesson here dat I've been tryin ta drill tha fuck into dat freakish Cro-Magnon skull of yours.

 **SAM  
** Lesson, biatch? What lesson?

 **TRICKSTER  
** This obsession ta save Dean, biatch? Da way you two keep sacrificin yourselves fo' each other, biatch? Nothang phat comes outta dat shit. Just blood n' pain. I aint talkin' bout chicken n' gravy biatch. Deanz yo' weaknizz fo' realz. And tha shitty muthafuckas know it, like a muthafucka. It aint nuthin but gonna be tha dirtnap of you, Sam. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. Sometimes you just gotta let playas go.

 **SAM  
** Dat punk mah brother.

 **TRICKSTER  
** Yup fo' realz. And like it or not, dis is what tha fuck gamez gonna be like without his muthafuckin ass.

 **SAM  
** Please. Just—please.

 **TRICKSTER  
** I swear, itz like poppin' off ta a funky-ass brick wall. Okay, look. This all stopped bein funk months ago. Yo ass is Travis Bickle up in a skirt, pal. It aint nuthin but tha nick nack patty wack, I still gots tha bigger sack. I be over dat shit.

 **SAM  
** Meanin what?

 **TRICKSTER  
** Meanin thatz fo' me ta know n' you ta smoke up.

Da TRICKSTER snaps his wild lil' fingers.

Closeup of SAMz closed eyes.

 **RADIO  
** Promise me I be bout ta be back up in time

SAMz eyes snap open.

INT yo. HOTEL ROOM – DAY

SAM sits up in bed n' stares around.

 **RADIO  
** Gotta git back up in time

 **DEAN  
** What, you gonna chill all day?

DEAN is standin by tha bathroom sink brushin his cold-ass teeth.

 **DEAN  
** I know, no Asia. This station sucks.

 **RADIO  
** On a roll of tha dice

SAM checks tha clock radio. Well shiiiit, it say WED.

 **SAM  
** It aint nuthin but Wednesday.

 **DEAN  
** Yeah, probably comes afta Tuesday. It make me wanna hollar playa! Turn dat thang off.

SAM throws off tha covers n' goes ta pull DEAN tha fuck into a funky-ass blunt.

 **DEAN  
** Dude, how tha fuck nuff Tuesdays did you have?

 **SAM  
** Enough cause I gots dem finger-lickin' chickens wit tha siz-auce. What, uh, what tha fuck do you remember?

 **DEAN  
** I remember you was pretty whacked outta it yesterday. It make me wanna hollar playa! I remember gettin up wit tha Tricksta n' shit. Thatz bout dat shit.

SAM nods.

 **SAM  
** Letz go.

 **DEAN  
** No breakfast?

 **SAM  
** No breakfast.

 **DEAN  
** All right, I be bout ta pack tha car.

 **SAM  
** Wait, you not goin anywhere ridin' solo.

 **DEAN  
** It aint nuthin but tha parkin lot, Sam.

 **SAM  
** Just—just trust mah dirty ass.

SAM, dressed, zips closed a funky-ass bag. DEAN opens tha door, then turns back.

 **DEAN  
** Yo, you don't look so good. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! I be fly as a gangbangin' falcon, soarin all up in tha sky dawwwwg! Somethang else happen?

SAM say not a god damn thang fo' a moment.

 **SAM  
** I just had a straight-up weird dream.

DEAN nods.

 **DEAN  
** Clowns or midgets?

SAM looks up. DEAN grins. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM tries ta smile yo. Dude picks up his bag. DEAN leaves. Right back up in yo muthafuckin ass. SAM bigs up, stoppin all up in tha door ta look back all up in tha unmade bed. Y'all KNOW dat shit, muthafucka! SAM turns off tha light n' closes tha door.


End file.
